The Path of Ascension

im gonna write this blog as a self promise. i will not blog until i finish my assignment and ace my test.. i will not bother going out alot(unless i make a promise earlier with someone). it's hard to do it since im officially addicted to games. i hardly stop gaming unless for a good reason, like my spm year moment.. i completely stop gaming for 3 months. i thought im cured from gaming, but it seems my addiction for it wont wear off completely! dam.. oh well, this time is degree. i must at least get a second upper degree if i want to do well in the real world(thats what my bro told me) or i have to study master.

so, im gonna less gaming than usual.. probably play just to maintain my skill(actually pro no nid~) *ahem*. can't wait till i done my assignment.. i would be probably happy enough to live for another 1 month before start sem again.. *shrugs* oh well, that would be probably beginning of February.

-if i can't study well, why do i even bother achieving other task..-

but it's good to know you been happier ... i suppose, feels like im out of the whole big picture. but it's just me i presume.

-Thought of the day-
I always wonder if there is someone out there who i could share my entire life stories.. mom used to tell me that fate is a tricky event.. unexpected things will eventually come within your grasp.. but i don't believe in such crap. nothing will come if you wait for fate to play apart in your hand.. at least i have stop believing in fate that will make me be with her..

I was always mentally challenged, that i am alone.. wandering in a journey through the depths of hell where pain and despair gives you wisdom about humanity. Is never been beautiful, but at least it will be a beauty if we chose what we believe.the human will power has made me pass through these hardship..and i will believe..no, i will make it happen.. that one day, i will find a person that i can share my loneliness and turn it into a fragment of memory which fill with joy..

for now, i will endure this feeling.. so much negative thoughts and pain.. is like tearing my inner body apart.. it feels so heavy.. so painful..
-end-


P.S:bakuman manga is really tear jerking at some point >_< i envy their relationship :)

TimeTable~

maybe i should make myself a timetable.. i having problem restraining myself from playing >_>.. well, i should start deleting most of my games(is a good start).. not all of them :P. maybe 6 hours gaming per day would be good.

anyway, besides that.. not sure whats wrong with my brain chemistry.. it's worsening than i thought. maybe im just tired or desperate, im not so sure of myself either. i seriously have no time for this kind of crap :/. it's like a haunting image that every few sec i picture her in my mind. Probably i been sleeping late for quite a long time. im gonna start sleeping at 11 pm these time..

i just wanna live another 10-50 years(assuming i didn't get hit by a train or unicorns) and goes with the flow. i didn't expect much from my life anyway,

-when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade.. well i don't-

The Ugly Nature

-Thoughts of the day-
i think i been an ass lately(not the usual funny type). when you feel that you have so much authority in your hand, you tend to go overboard. heck, i even exploit the human nature feeling 'guilt' by making them to do my bidding. i promise myself i wont relive my past.. but it seems the real 'me' still buried within me.. it's really hard to get rid of what has made me become this monstrosity. well, im not even sure why i would refrain myself from doing so... perhaps a part of my conscious still strongly feel that i had hope? i doubt so..

it's not like i have anyone to impress/flatter anymore. it pains me to know that i seldom see her at all and i figuratively gave up on it.. not literally. what's even better that,my test is coming soon and i am still attach to it.

i always thought study would keep my mind off.. but it's the opposite. the more you don't feel like caring, it makes you care more. hopefully i can sort this thing out after i finish everything.. perhaps a flick of spark might be a good start. it might sound ironic but, what can you expect a guy afraid of girls?

hope i can totally forgot about the neway incident.. it just startled me and froze me up whenever i remember it... the horror.. *shivers*

-Today episode-

oh well, aside from that. today parents bring us out to giant supermarket.. it seems more like a shopping complex.. very well decorated/organize.. unlike anything in our karefour area >_>.. the best thing is.. it has SUBWAY! om nom nom* it's very near comparing that you nid to drive to ss15 subway shop. now i can just drive to giant and buy the subway <3. now i don't nid to drive all the way(in the process of getting traffic jam on the way and coming back). hopefully all the shop will open nearby area so i can save more time to go and eat the things i like. best thing ever happen to my mom, most of her favorite shop open nearby in kota kemuning ~ oh.. and i earn alot today in iris online :D





wish you were here playing with me >_>

Realism

Some people start off their dream as a mere illusion.. then slowly turn it into reality.. i wonder if i can do that too?anyway, i been having the same old nightmares every week(at least once). yep, the same old nightmare.. i was getting tired of it tho(not that is scary but same old shit to me >_>).. i wonder what does that even signify.

anyway, i been wondering if i could make a difference every time i see her... most of the people(include me) dream about their love life and unconditional love to them(not that i really bother now, but just wondering). well, if i have to start.. i suppose i could try to get rid of my gynephobia(wonder if i need to go to a physiotherapist). it's a good start.. oh well, in any case. i should focus on my study right now >_>.. however, if given a chance.. i will take a shot, no matter how many times i drop. i will eventually get back up.

besides that, i got my internet back up!(Happy face :D) and celebrated wai yip birthday(too bad no cake on the face D:). oh well, time to sleep and tmr draw ERD and normalization(self reminder).. and study MALG! Mathematics algorithm if anyone bother to know(doubt so >_>)

Obsession days

well, how should i start this post, hmm...... i suppose i could tell about the rat event. we finally caught the rat and it was huge, im pretty sure he eat a lot of our bananas on the table and wonder around our house. anyway, my mom didn't approve of killing it, so she decided to let it free on our usual Sunday morning walk area.

another obsession from my mom. heres a picture of it.





she say it was interesting to made and she want to make 1 for me... which i think is cool ~ imagine every morning has this kind of food. but she said if im only kindagarten :( ... she treated me like a fool T_T(i really want a bento to bring to uni :D) but after what she said.. it does kinda let down to her. she said she would make if i have children in the future.. i felt sorry for her >_> she doesn't know i have phobia against girls.. especially after the neway incident(which i did tell to wai yip).. it just made me kinda fear more <_<. i don't plan to have one but if somehow i end up freaking rich.. i might adopt a child. ima gonna train him to become a super soldier(mwahahaha.. yea right).

anyway, it's not like i hate the idea of it.. but i just can't do it. it's goosebump me everytime i think of it. gah, anyway.. i got alot of things to do for this semester ~_~ .. tight schedule.. so i might go out less than usual.

-wish my mom made me a bento-

btw, here's an interesting riddle ~

A cracker company was very mad when they heard the results from their cracker survey. The result said that the customers would prefer crackers to nothing at all. The same customers think that donuts are better than everything else.

A new employee at the company had to tell their boss the bad news, but he saw a window of opportunity to get a promotion. When he got to his boss, he told him that the customers really preferred crackers to donuts.

How did he come up with that?

Hint:Logical maths

Answer is below

he new employee told the boss that they know two facts;

1) Crackers are better than nothing, and
2) Nothing is better than donuts

If you put two of them together, you get that crackers are better than donuts.