FYP

Ah, time to get serious on my final year project. because i recently bought a macbook for my ipad programming ! haha! now i can do anything to my ipad <3~ well, adious blog ~ and.. good luck to anyone reading this ^_^

The end of 2 weeks holiday~

well, it's not really an official holiday. is just that my parents and my brother came back from Aussie on Saturday 5/11/2011. the end of my living-alone-plan for the future ~.. is not bad at all ~ where i can hang out with my bros(friends) and they overnight my house. is like living the American dreams~(i really have no idea what their dreams are,LOL)

anyway, since today is the last day ~ i made a 6 hour before the bbq party plan and it works well(except for the chicken, no time to marinate it which taste pretty good for an 1 hour marinate). Eaten A LOT of food and i still left with 7 hotdogs+ 5 piece of chicken+ few bottles of soda and some bread. GODDAMMIT, how am i suppose to finish this all! )#@(*_!#@_@#. *okayguyface.jpg*(google this if you don't know), ima finish it all.. hopefully.

although it was suppose to be a good day.. somehow it didn't. because my crush just joke something cruel.. and i know she meant it as a joke.. but somehow it hurts like my eye staring at the sun for 3 whole hours. well, although she and i are just friends. somehow deep down in my heart have this hope of her, at least i hope she cares about me. Didn't happen, it didn't at all. but i guess we are even.. since i did hurt her before,the naive past of me.

i know that i gave up on chasing on fairy tales(romantics), but my mind kept thinking and thinking. i do not like forcing my love to her, since i don't like people forcing their ideas on me. if it hurts me just to make her happy, then is worth being in pain. it is best for 1 people to be happy than making both unhappy. pain.. it hurts, but it will make me stronger. all i know is, there is always a better guy out there for her. so go get them! :D

-i do no need your love, just to see your smile is enough-

Food for thought #1

Lately, i can't sleep soundly.. probably due to failures.. gosh, how could i fail a module.. stupid module.. I'm not even sure what to do now. Best part was that i can register for the next intake and after that i found out that i failed a module, What the hell.

anyway, my Facebook wall recently had too much people posting about their love life. seriously, they need to man up a bit(probably a lot). i don't even know why they even bother ranting it while they should have do something about it.. seriously. not all people have the liberty to be loved by others.

i am one of the distinguish example. i never had a relationship in my entire life(own3d) :D. although my second bro didn't have a relationship before, he is more like a robot who doesn't recognize that feeling. could you imagine a girl saying "I Love You" in his face and able to walk away without feeling anything. i LOL-ed so hard that i even felt sorry for that girl. well, my bro just a person who really needs game as his partner in life. If a LIVING woman can able to marry my second bro, i srsly bow to her and say big sis.. you achieve something that no entire woman able to do.

anyway,at first.. i has doubt for my first bro relationship with his wife.... not that is my authority to say anything. since they marry after they know each other for a year.. but overall, shes a nice person. good for you bro!

as for me, im one of the minority who consider as lone wolf. i have to live alone to understand myself(which i don't really understand myself fully, weird). which i used to think as a curse.. my existence is a curse. but now, i see it as a blessing. although i don't meant it heart-fully but, i really do think is for the best. IF there is a god out(i still don't believe it) probably he did a good job on it. i always hope for an easy way out in this life.. but since im not a brave/coward person to take my own life.. i just have to see it through. after all, being alive able to change a person perspective, while the dead.. being dead.

-Life is interesting if you make it interesting-

oh, and is 4th of October.. hmm, 5 more days perhaps? :)

21st birthday

Well, as usual how I celebrate my birthday.. By not bothering celebrating my birthdays. Throughout the years of living.. I only celebrate my birthday 3 times. Because I stop believing that birthday is a celebration. To me, is just a proof that I lived. Nothing so wonderful about it, the day I stop acknowledge myself is the day I mentally died. But let's not get emotional about that :).

Anyway, I was surprised on Saturday which my mui(zi Wei), no blood relation with me but I think of her as big sis :D. She gave me a call to ask me whether at night I'm free or not, becausenshe wanted to give me something. Told her I was free for the week, and she did come at night.... Dressing like she's going to a prom. I was stunned and amazed. Sooooo.....I couldn't comprehend the situation, when I told her she's going anywhere, she said no. And she insist me to let her in. Oookaayy... I just open the gate and bunch of my friend started showing up like some Indian movie LOL. Singing birthday song. It made me a little happy and a bit sad.. But it made me feel good about it :).

So they gave me a big present card and it was meaningful... It doesn't cost much but it certainly a worthy item to be remembered. The next day, which is Sunday. A girl who shall not be name(I would.. But nah :p) planned to throw me a birthday celebration in sunway, she gave me a pair of dokumon car seat pillow which IS AWESOME! I love it a lot :D and a message to me... She was the one who actually knew the inner me...what I'm really am.. Her message just made me felt like I'm needed.. It almost made break my wall of solitude.. And almost cry.. But I'm too old for it :p. Thanks ^^

Writing this post was kinda hard..

-Real kindness doesn't get by asking. Is by given-

Doggy...

Is been a long time I seen the dog in front of my house. I wish ntg bad happen to it him.......... Strange.. I grew fond of it. Well, I'm not even sure why it was in front of my house. But it was pretty fun to have one dog companion, it really is. Sometimes I went out to jog, it will follow me. At night I came back, it lying down on the street in front of my house. Cute part of him is he wag it's tail every time he sees me... Hmm, it makes me want to buy a dog.. But probably in the future. As I know is hard to take care of animal.

Well, mom said the dog had been in accident and badly injured. My neighbor is a person who is extreme dog lover, she brings wild dog to veterinarian to check their health... So she bring the dog to the vet and have a check.. Hopefully is okay.. And I hope my mom was wrong about it died.. She says a good dog will never die in front of their owner. I just wish the dog had gone to a better area and stay there. I... Do not really wish it died.. Weird, having this feeling. I do not comprehend...

-death is a part of life, which I accept heartfully for myself.... But not for others-

Sealing a part of me

After so many years... I just can't stop thinking about her... Although I have long destroyed a part of me wanting her. Was it out of fear of loving her? I couldn't comprehend myself..

Sometimes I'm afraid what could I have done.. Thinking of the past, I used to have a hamster.. Used to.. At first, I treat it with care like a glass that could break anytime.. After sometime, what have I gone wrong.. Treating it like some toy, squeezing it while I could hear it cries.. I even dreamt of it.. Seeing myself doing that, I felt so fking disgusted. Was I born with a black heart? If so, I'm not surprise.

I have even darker past that I could remember.. But I'm not sure that I actually done it, Fragmented memories. Human brains are incompetent when it comes to storing memories.. Sometimes, the mind helps to alter the memory so we could live happily... By lying to ourself.

I could not bring happiness to others, I'm just a spawn to the evil compassion.. It would be the best choice to live alone. To double it, I could end my genetic of my god damn father.. I do not wish of having his genes.. But I'm afraid that I could do nothing to change the fact that he is my 'best' dad in the world. Be assure, i do not hate a person without reason. So don't judge me before you thinking that I'm ungrateful brat. Indeed he done his job as a father. But he's a father without knowing how to treat his family in a good way.

Ah... Is been a long time I post. Self reassurance I suppose..If living a lie is what it takes to make everyone happy.. I don't mind living one.
As democracy states, The needs of ones overcomes the needs of many.

-two birds, one stone- :)

Moment of Regrets?

Sometime when i have nothing to do or goes to shower and try to clear my mind, somehow.. i just recalled those bad memories. even though you're hoping is not there.. but it's forever embedded in your mind. i wonder what would happen if i didn't post that blog. what would have change? probably still the same. i should be grateful given the condition now.. i supposed.

anyway, i got a bunch of assignment waiting for me to do, although the deadline is still quite far. Preferable to do it earlier to avoid last minute assignment which i regret THREE times before. *facepalm*

sigh.. now i have nothing that could really lighten me up. not like before, it feels im getting emotionally unstable.. i should try to calm myself often. feels like when im young, hot-tempered. i guess love does still hold it's unique power. still, the idea of it seems foolish to me.

-the best is to avoid falling for it-

IPAD 2!

Got it when it was 18/5/2011.. AWESOME! my first own bought toy xD.. im soo gonna become a dev apps(developer for application)~ hmm.. i probably need to study abit more on c programming, since the major language is c variants.

since there is still no *ahem*break version.. i guess im stuck with the original apps. was playing tradenation and i got addicted to it! i love to play those small city where you can build things and slowly grow into a nation :P.


im at level 8 tho.. gotta grow my city fast ~ and it's has sheep too! SHEEEP <3

-can't wait to develop!-

Penang, Marriage, Acceptance.

this upcoming thursday, mom figuratively forced me go to Penang to meet up with my aussie bro. well, if this is the usual situation.. normally my bro will come back to KLIA and we will pick him up there. but, due to my bro's gf who lives there.. plans changed.

Well, my parents describe her as being too friendly and whatsoever.. however, im still not too fond of this idea. Anyway, bro gotta apply the marriage cert at there and we are going to take a "family" photo. gosh, i have to miss one of my best friend party. well, i don't usually like to use the term "best friend" since i got betrayed many many times from my primary childhood. but she's the only one that really can make me use this term.

back in the days on my secondary school, lot of people knew i was a gaming freak. so at that time, i played a game called Ragnarok. so most people talk to me are guys, and i really have less friends on the opposite of my gender. one day she just walk up to me and say "hey you wanna get married?".

. . . . . <-- was my reaction. and i really have phobia towards girl at that time.

i wasn't even sure what to say, i just stun there literally+figuratively. i mean, she's one of the hot topic girls in school that boys used to talk about, especially my zhen yi didi. he like her a lot, so i used to tease him :P. getting out of topic.. anyway, so she basically ask for marriage in RO, which she explain after i stun for 2-3 mins. the new marriage system implemented and she wants to try it out.. so i say yes.

so that's how we met, i kinda have feelings towards her back then. but she got a boyfriend so i gave up eventually. i know i don't have a shot with this kind of girl so i don't bother much on relationships and everything. but she's really an outgoing girl and everything.

so pretty much FUBAR, now that i have to go penang and attend my bro applying for marriage kind of thing. FML, at least i can eat alot of penang food there. heard penang has full coverage of wireless internet connection. FTW! hopefully my bro have enough time to buy my Ipad2 so he can pass it to me :P

things happens for a reason.. and i guess is probably for the greater good. oh well, im tired after my popping class ~ have to do my coursework stuff and buy her a present before going penang. hopefully i have enough time to do all of that.

-they say bad things happens for a reason, but no wise word gonna stop the bleeding-

taken part of the lyric from the script-breakeven

Pool club

well, since i need something to take off my mind ~ been wandering around for a pool club in my university, my friend made that club. so...... kinda anticipating for the training ~ i wish i can be excel in pool,basketball and other things i haven't tried. i have a habit of doing something, i make sure i excel on it. maybe not trying to be the best but at least not letting people down :o. been practicing my basket ball shot, at least 50% of it entering :D. but still not good enough.. oh well, hopefully everyone is doing good in their day~

Sheepy~~

Summary

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Life gives you apple but you want orange, no choice but to take the apple and eat it.

well, it's been a time that i have stop blogging. doubt i would care anyone reads it :S. anyway, been busy lately on my new semester. life is tough, and i realized that loving someone is easy. but letting it go is really hard, although i never even gotten into a relationship. for the past 4 years i have been mentally abused by her charms, but probably she doesn't even notice that i am in love with her. heck, i even set my life goal to obtain her.

But life sucks, it's always full of compromise and everything. trying to confess but situation turn up differently, i guess i am just one of those kind of guy who is not really good at relationships. so from now on, i just don't feel like doing this kind of things anymore.

she's somehow special because, this is the first time that i actually felt like chasing her. is kinda funny to recall what i try to do to get her attention and look at her fidgeting and smile. but i guess she moved on to her friends and i got my own work to do. this is reality, and i am not blaming anyone.. it just feel better that i typing it out. i do miss the time we play together Dota and ignore the homework, good old days~ ignorance is bliss huh.

now i have a new goal, work hard and travel around the world~ i love to see new cultures, places and experienced things you wouldn't experience in Malaysia~ especially going to Disneyland in L.A! but first, i gotta study hard and work hard for it ~ . probably i don't think i would be in a relationship for the rest of my life because i couldn't picture myself having a relationship with a girl(P.S:and i am not gay, so not even guys). i am going solo this time and fate don't screw me, i screw you >:).

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New Zealand 8-14 April 2011

is been a horror after mom and dad went to NZ WITHOUT ME. NO I AM NOT EMO, IM JUST SAD >:(. well, is quite hellish when your parents give you a job to clean after the house and promised a friend to go to PD(Port Dickson) trip. Well, i am not gonna elaborate much on PD trip since is quite embarrassing.. hell break lose and insanity is sanity.

it was amazingly fun and got out of control(especially when you played the king game[Japanese Games]). usually Japanese people use stick to decide who is the king, but we use poker cards instead. whereas the king can order any number within the range to do something retarded. for example, 1 and 5 kiss. so, the person who holds 1 and 5 must kiss. and it does happen to two of my friend, which both of them is guy. "Shit happens huh" that's what i thought.

after the pd trip, i fell sick and i have to sweep/mop the entire house and clean bathrooms. oh for the lord of Danny sake. i felt like my brother doesn't have cleanliness program in his head. the way he take of the toilet is like.. go YouTube search "WTF boom". it really does look something like that. or let me show you a picture of it.



there ya go, 100% satisfaction in the face of the earth. besides that, he not bathing if hes not going out is kinda normal in this house. sometimes he smell like a bit of cheese, ugh.

After my parents came back, they bought a sheep and some necklace replacement. well, they're not jewelry but authentic paua shells. not sure what is that but it looks cool.
got a few pics of it~



baaa rammmm yoouuu.




it's really cute, so i probably just hug it when i sleep it. although i am not fond of soft toy tho. it's quite big and acts like a pillow.




looks nice ~ and gonna wear it, hopefully Lai take good care of my shadow orb :S is like i entrust my soul to him ~

Outing!

today is Sunday, a whole day outing with family. so basically i and my parents went out for our usual Sunday walk in Taman Rakyat. This time my bro didn't follow due to his working hour(Midnight). After that, went to eat bak kut teh(BKT) at... kinda forgotten where but somewhere in Klang.

Anyway, after eaten BKT.. went back home and waited till 3 o clock to see a show call "great day"



and yes, i watch it for the second time(just for the lulz). First time watch it with my friends = Kasheng(respect),Jeewa(respect),Crys,Chooi Foong(crys's mom),Pey Ruo,Hung(bro).

After watch the movie for the SECOND time, went to shop some clothing for Chinese New Year(typically im not fond of buying cloths but i kinda like it now). Bought a Black and Red Shirt.



and yes again, im not good at taking these kind of photo. it took us at least an hour or more to finish our shopping spree. later on we went to eat steamboat.. i seriously hate waiting for seats but eventually we found one and settle down.



My Mom in that picture. she got impatient and wanted to go to the other shop which looks empty. but since we got the seat, she just waited anyway.



my bro hoarding the food! rushhhhhhh.

that's it for now, gotta rush my assignment this week. due date on friday, FML.

New opening

i guess i wont be blogging much on this private blog.. i probably post my rants on here just to feel better. but i doubt i have much used for it now. anyway, gonna focus on this week! GUNG HO!

Part of me have died

-Name:C-
well, is been a long time i posted.. well i probably make this an exception since it's something that i realized. maybe some experience is not meant for me to be discovered.. or probably i give up too soon. oh well, probably im not suitable to experience love.there are so much out there waiting for me to be discovered, im done reminiscing on the past.

hey, at least i tried. if she didn't get it.. well, sucks to be me then :) or maybe i sucked at courting girls. looks like im done with this chapter. kinda funny tho, some of my friend share their experience on their love life. it made me felt fearful at one point, it sounded like a share market. it's really unexpected.

tho it might be just me, i have a feeling that she would be less friendly with me. well, since she just give me short replies. but that's just me. yep probably me.

No matter how much you love that person, Life Still Goes on-Nicole Soh

i agree, it might just seems pitiful but yea. you might love her till the very end, and she wouldn't even notice it. but we all had a good laugh about it :) i dont mind telling people about it tho.."hey, i love this girl for the past 5 years and she still don't know about it or couldn't care less. hahahaha". *everyone go stone* . . .
okay, bad idea.. but really, i dont mind telling anymore. alright chapter ends now

-Chapter End:Name C-

Anyway, before i went to play basketball, today i went out to a gathering. meeting the NOTD creators, we kinda chat alot of stuff and out topics lol. then one of the notd players karu came by and join us for the gathering. we had a good time there and possibly further notd events will be coming soon(just a hopeful guess)

-Live to win,Love till Death aparts-